I find God sending me down a new path, just when I was getting used to the old one. I've often struggled with starting and stopping projects. Sometimes it feels like it can take ages for me to get going and then heaven forbid anything interrupt that process because who knows how long it'll take to get started up again (: Is anyone else like this?
One of the things that seems to be up for change is a place to live. I've posted before about the desire to live in a smaller town down the road. As a matter of fact I had the opportunity to move there about three years ago. The cost was more than my current place, but felt God was asking me to take a step of faith and put down the first month's rent and deposit. Even though it was exactly where I wanted to be, the move didn't make sense at the time.
It was the perfect location, had beautiful curb appeal, a lovely fenced in yard for the dogs and just the right space for a garden. Even though it was small, it felt like home and was oh, so peaceful. So I prayed long and hard. The answer?...take the check by. Step out in faith...stretch.
As I drove to meet the owner at the local coffee shop to pick up the keys, a song came on the radio by Superchick called "Stand in the Rain." One of the lines of the song says...
"Alone in this fight with herself
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down."
Oh! Exactly what I was experiencing! The entire drive, there was this nasty fight of thoughts playing in my head. "You won't be able to move here! It's not for you! You won't be able to afford this! It might be your dream, but it's out of your reach! Don't even entertain the possibility!"
Oh...something as simple as a move turned into a trip down doubt lane. But then the chorus started...
"So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain"
So with tear drenched cheeks I dropped off the check and picked up the keys. An almost immediate sense of peace came over me and I knew the right decision was made. The next day my Dad was in town so I asked if he'd like to go by and and take a look at the new place. Dad could sometimes operate on the negative side of things, but this day was different.
He was present in the moment and the glow of excitement on his face when we entered the front door was anything short of beaming! He loved it! We went through each room discussing where things might go and how the layout was perfect for entertaining. He even offered to help me move! This was quite the miracle so I knew his approval was genuine (:
To make a long story short, for whatever reason, the deal fell through. I was devastated! But I had prayed! I asked God and He said to move forward...what the heck was this? After much prayer I grew to realize it wasn't about the move, it was about stepping out in faith and growing my dependence upon Him.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I drove by this same townhouse and noticed a cleaning crew. All the windows were up, bushes and trees had been trimmed and the renter had moved out! Was it available? Could this be true? My heart skipped a beat! I didn't see a sign. Could I dare go there again and think the possibility of a move was in the near future?
See, I pass by this place quite often and each time it brings back the memories of my Dad's visit. He passed away eight months after our tour and that time we shared together still means the world to me. So to be able to move into the very place where my father walked with me would be awesome!
I decided to put the thought out of my head and continue on to my intended destination. While pulling into the parking lot of the store a song came on the radio. You guessed it! "Stand in the Rain." The line of the chorus that stood out this time was, "And one day, what's lost can be found." Geez!! Okay God! What in the world!
Much like before, now is not a good time to move. I just started some new projects, am in the middle of painting and redecorating several rooms, plus the funds needed for such a task are low, not to mention my work world being in limbo. I found myself putting things on hold. Should I really do all this stuff if I'm going to move anyway? Why bother continuing if I'm not going to be here in a few months?
And then it hit me...I don't have to know all the details. I don't have to worry about missing an opportunity to move to this place. If it's meant for me, then God will take care of things behind the scenes. If a move is in the future then the funds will be available. If this town is meant to be my home soon, then my projects will fall into place. I do not have to worry. I don't have to try and control all the works in play. He's got it (:
Even though this home seems to be the perfect place, God knows what I need. He knows my heart and I feel safe in His arms. So, as I wait on His word, I press on and continue to work on projects, paint, organize...and be (:
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life"
~ Matthew 6:27
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