Monday, September 27, 2010

Lessons for an Impatient Gal

I’m a big dreamer and also a very immediate kinda gal. When new ideas are envisioned, I want them to happen NOW! I don't like waiting. I don't want to ponder over the complexities and set out huge plans for the future. I want to move, get on with it and figure things out as I go. Too bad much of life does not agree with this concept. And God being the gentle one that He is, so lovingly guides..."My daughter, patience is a challenge you must master, so let's hit it head on. You shall have many opportunities to embrace this new skill."

{Sigh} Not something this "immediate one" likes to hear...but while in the waiting mode of patience, a wonderful gift was given. I've been able to step back and look at the bigger picture. In the past instead of using new inspirations to move me forward, I allowed these beautiful dreams and visions to haunt my impatient soul.

I can't tell you the hours, months and years that were spent preparing for ideas that have never taken root. Why? What has caused this immediate-doer-kind-of-gal to be halted by every step? Simply put, I quit listening.

Several years out of college there was a panic moment. Plans made for a life and career quickly showed themselves to be the path that should not be taken. Instead of just moving on, I held tightly and didn't want to let go.

I originally went to college for two degrees - American Sign Language and Education. After being in the public school system, it was very apparent that God had different plans and was moving me in a another direction. Without thinking twice, I followed His guidance and switched from being an Education major to a Sociology major my senior year. Ah yes, a change of path. It meant one more year of college, but this immediate gal was up for the challenge. "Okay God. Not sure what you have in mind here, but I'm game."

The next year was amazing! The study of the structure and dynamics of society and their intricate connections to patterns of human behavior was magical! Days and nights filled with sociology, psychology and sign language...I was in heaven!!

After graduation I took a part-time kindergarten teaching job for a very short time, which solidified the notion that God definitely did not intend for me to be in a school teaching role. I continued interpreting for the local university and community college which led to the opportunity of being Coordinator of Services for the Deaf. It was wonderful being in a college setting using the language I so loved.

And then came the day when God asked for another move to something new. "What? No, I must have misunderstood. You really want me to stay here, right God? I switched majors with your new plan in mind and now you're asking me to do something completely out of my realm of experience? But this was the plan! All of these years training, and for what? What else would I do?"

And so I stayed. I didn't listen and the situation became very challenging. The previously felt peace and contentment disappeared. Work was no longer fun. It was always hard work, but now it was strained. The situation became toxic and so the time was at hand to move on, just as God had encouraged months before.

After that I felt lost. My grandmother's health was failing and at the encouragement of my brother, our family moved to be closer to her. I began to throw myself into caring for Grandmother and lost sight of myself and the lessons along the way. God began to show new visions and dreams, but by that time I was so discouraged and disconnected that these new ideas had no place in which to be nurtured. Doubt became my closest friend.

But something had to be done with these I researched, read, studied and began to embrace the hope of new possibilities. Not much happened in the way of these new dreams at the time...they were there just waiting for the right moment when a heart was ready to be connected again.

God used those many years with Grandmother to open the parts of my heart I thought were lost. At Grandmother's knee I learned the art of being in the moment, to offer love in every situation and to never lose sight of His guiding hand. Even though the enormity of the lessons were not grasped at the time, the powerful effect on my spirit has forever changed the way in which I embrace the world.

God can use any time, any stage and any moment for our good. Don't allow discouragement to get you off course. Look for the lessons and you will go far...even if you think you aren't making any progress at all (: The key to your future is time...

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." ~ Harriet Tubman

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